Fall Comes with a Few Changes

I am so terrible at keeping this thing updated.
HERE'S THE LATEST NEWS!

Alrighty, I got a job at Kumon. It's a tutoring company for children... Kindergarten through middle school, I believe. I grade papers of the early elementary children. I only work ten hours a week, Monday and Wednesday from 3-8. It's not a lot of hours, but it's enough. It gives me over 300 dollars a month than I had when I was unemployed!! Haha.
When I posted last, I was clearly very happy with the way life was turning out. Though not long after I posted, I had a freak out that lasted pretty much the month of October. No good. But lucky for me, my two favorite men, Jonathan and my brother, helped me out a bunch, though they may not know it. I'm not sure what, exactly, was my problem. I was doubting a lot of things that I never have before. I am still, a little, but not nearly as bad as I was in October. There are good days, of course, but there are also those inevitable bad days that are kind of a bummer.
I was very excited to have Jonathan back for a week in late October. I hadn't seen in him exactly 35 days. ---> way too damn long. ;) We had a lot of fun going out and seeing all of our friends. I think he misses the college life. And I have to admit, the "college life" isn't the same when he's gone. He is coming again on Friday! He will be with me in College Station for a few days before we leave for McKinney for Thanksgiving! EEK! I'm so excited to be going back to MacTown. It feels like I haven't been in FOREVER. And I'm even more excited to be taking Jonathan with me! :)
My big brother and I have been having dinner weekly. I'm SO happy that he and I are on good terms again. I can even talk with him about... relationships!! *gasp!* I know. Never thought that would happen again. I'm not sure if he's completely okay with things yet, but he is making all kinds of effort, and so am I. It's good to have my friend back. :)

That's pretty much a sum of the past month. It's been a difficult one, but November is proving to be much better! :)

Turn it Around.

Alrighty, folks. It's time for another update.
The past few weeks have been tough... but this past one has been amazing. Lemme fill ya in. ;)

I was sick for a couple weeks. I've been on a brand of medication and have had some annoying side-effects to it. I was expected to feel a little sick for a few days, but it turned out to be more like two weeks. *_* I missed a whole bunch of school. Not good. I fell way behind in all of my classes and found myself not just trying to keep up, but catch up. Hard work. I stopped taking all the medication and began to feel better so I could keep working on school. It was very difficult and I kept finding myself being very unmotivated, simply because I was already so far behind... and the semester had just begun.
Jonathan came to visit me for a week, and that was wonderful. He made me keep working at school, even thought I was ready to give up... again. And, having him here again, I was able to feel much more at ease with everything. It's simple. When he's here, I don't stress out like I do otherwise. I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with him. It felt like he never left. I missed him so much, and I was sooo glad to have him back for a while. :)
SO! After he left, I had a thought. ...again. (haha) I don't want to sit on the couch stressing about school and life, and friends, and such anymore. That, my friends, is lame. After Jonathan went back to Roma, I spent a few days trying to catch up on school, and then I went out job searching. I figure when I'm busy and have a packed schedule, I'm more focused and serious about school and my priorities. I ran into a friend of mine while job searching and she told me about a position at her work. Long story short, I've been e-mailing her employer, and I start work on Monday. I turned it around. :)
Last week I did nothing but school work. I caught up in Biology, History and Spanish. I just have a few more assignments and Chemistry is taken care of too. Last week was the best week (besides the week when I had Jonathan back, haha) that I've had in a long time. And here's why:
I stopped being pathetic. I got up and made a change. I was tired of sitting around and worrying. I knew that if I made a change and got a job it would help me organize my priorities. With a single step in the right direction, I automatically felt better. I wanted to keep going. Coming home to the apartment and working on homework wasn't the most entertaining thing to do, but all of a sudden I liked it. I liked the feeling of being productive. Every day I was happy simply because I was getting things done that needed to be done for a while. I turned it around.
This week I went out to lunch with my brother... and I did last week too. We decided to make it a dinner date, once a week. I have my big brother back. :) I talked to him about things that we never have before, and even though we still have our differences about some things, I felt like through it all, we were still getting closer. I have my brother back, and I have my friend back, and I couldn't be happier. We turned it around.
So right now, life is really great. It could be better of course... ya know, with grades and such. But when I sit down and think about it, I think of all the ways God has blessed me this past week. I got a job. I'm catching up on school. I've talked to my mom nearly every day and I can feel her love and support. My brother and I are doing SO much better than we were a month ago, and it is the best feeling to have. Jonathan and I are getting closer and closer everyday, and I am so lucky to have him in my life... supporting me, caring for me and encouraging me everyday. This week has been fantastic. Not to mention, Tara is in for the weekend, and I'm looking forward to spending some time with her again. I've missed her too. Yeah, it's been great. Thanks God. :)

Just Excpet It.

So life is still changing at rates which seem to be about a mile a minute, and I wish it would take a break and chill so I can catch up. It's been a crazy month, and a very long one at that.
I've started classes at Blinn... and I'm not too excited. I've pretty much excepted the fact that I need to be there if I'm ever going to get back at A&M. I need to be there and do well for a semester (maybe two) and hopefully I can return to life as an Aggie. I hate being at Blinn and feel almost like I've lessened myself to attend school there... but I'm kind of out of options at the moment.
My boyfriend moved last month. We weren't together long before he left and it makes it a little harder to be apart. He'll be coming on Friday, the 12th, for a ten day visit and I'm very excited to see him. It will be a month (to the day) since I have seen him last, and it feels much, much longer. I'm finding myself becoming more and more attached to him every day. It's kind of weird, because we weren't supposed to be together in the first place... I joke about it, I'm not sure if he finds it as amusing as I do! It does cause some problems though. I feel like I have to choose between my family and people I consider family, and my boyfriend. Not exactly a decision that I'm "itching" to make. I wish they could just be happy for me and not judge my relationship. Jonathan makes me so happy, and I finally feel like I'm worth something to a guy... not just a piece of ass. I wish they could see that. My parents say in time they will, but I'm not holding my breath.
I've got a whole new group of friends... and they are all completely awesome. I feel like I'm being pushed away from my old group, but to this new one, I'm called the life of the party. :) It's a good feeling to know that people want me around. When I came to College Station, it was assumed that I was going to be apart of a certain group, and I never really had the chance to find my own niche. Well here, I've found one. It's nice to know that I was/am able to go out and meet people without supervision. However, I think that's part of the problem with the before mentioned family and friends. I miss my old group alot, but while all this is going on, I'd rather not be around the people talking smack... no matter how much I love them.
I'm trying to keep with with school and keep my grades up so I can go back to where I belong because Blinn is SO not for me, I'm trying to keep up with Jonathan and not miss him as much as I do... and that's not going well because lets face it, he's pretty much perfect and who wouldn't miss him?! and I'm trying to keep up with my old friends and still hang out with my new ones. And I'm trying to get people to stop passing judgment until they know what everything is really about. It's just been a crazy, emotional, and very sloowww month.
So I realize this was kind of an emo post, but it's all things that needed to be said. And considering somehow within the past year, confrontation has begun to scare the mess out of me, I'm hoping the people that need to read this will, and then they'll finally see where I'm coming from. Love you guys and I miss you guys.

My List

Alrighty guys. I know it's been forever... again... but it's been a complicated summer!
Back in May, I saw a list on Jordan's blog that she had made of things that she had noticed about herself when she actually sat down and thought about them. It seemed like a pretty cool idea. I wanted to see what I could learn about myself... things that I would never pick up on. Some were kind of deep and thoughtful, some not so much. (apparently that's the idea) So I tried. ... and then I posted the freakishly long list on here. ... and then it was deleted. But, before I had posted the list, I had hand written it-- that's just how I do things. I just found the list tonight that I had made in May and when I reread it, I noticed that alot of the things on there are different! I've changed, even since May!
So, I'm making a new one. Some I'm keeping, some I'm tossing. Here it is.

1. Music of any kind is the best thing to ever happen to this world.
2. I text to an unhealthy extent
3. I smile in the mirror before I leave the house every time because that's what my mom does, and that's what her father did.
4. I love working out, but I'm lazy.
5. What I want most is to love and be loved back.
6. Religion is too often used as a scare.
7. Friends can come and go, but your siblings you're stuck with. And I'm cool with that. I love him even when I'm mad at him... or in this case, when he's mad at me.
8. The world would be screwed with out history teachers.
9. Nick-names are awesome.
10. Facebook is the best thing EVER.
11. I spent seven years in band and I can still sing better than I can play the clairnet... and I can't keep time.
12. Driving in the rain is relaxing.
13. I still watch Disney movies.
14. Antarctica looks gorgeous, and I want to go.
15. In highschool I thrived on confrontation, now the thought of it makes me sick.
16. I get a second wind at about 11pm and will go until 3am.
17. Ignorance really can be bliss!
18. I've never really understood the whole glass half empty/full thing. Wouldn't it depend on how much liquid was in the glass to begin with?
19. The wise count their blessing, the foolish their problems.
20. Even though I've pretty much screwed the pooch with school, I'm so much happier now than I was in May.
21. The Aggie Ring is the sexiest thing ever.
22. Everything happens for a reason- cliche, but true.
23. I like punctuation.
24. Black women quotes are HILARIOUS.
25. I'm like a sponge, I'm constantly drinking something!
26. Elephants are fascinating.
27. I'm pretty easily amused.
28. Respect is an issue.
29. Pictures are beautiful. All of them.
30. I'm a terrible hostess. I just expect my friends to be comfortable in my house.
31. I'm weird with dates. I remember the pointless ones.
32. You get the best of both worlds with sunshowers.
33. Why stay in one place when you can see the world?
34. I'm too sarcastic.
35. Risks. You've gotta take 'em.
36. I no longer hate men. ;)
37. Bright colors make life pretty.
38. I get jealous of things, and I hate that.
39. I hate school, but I love being an Aggie.
40. I am happy with the way things are going... though maybe also slightly scared. c'est l'vie.

My Friend Ashley.

So my good friend Ashley was unaware that I had a blog, and when she found out, she demanded I make an entry dedicated to her.
So here we have it.

My friend Ashley:
is demanding.
is beautiful.
is a junior business major at Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas.
enjoys ... me?? wtf??? (she's dictating my post)
also enjoys chocholate covered strawberries, baking, going to the lake, cookies... etc.
hangs out at her house. (where her suitcase has exploded all over the place)
cleans her boyfriends apartment for him.
has a thing for guys named Zack/h.
has dated two gay guys.
keeps getting jobs with children, but doesn't exactly like them much.
likes green.
likes to preform cup checks.
graduated sixth in her highschool class.
doesn't know the difference between animated girls and boys.
graduates in December of OhNine.
was the murderer in a Murder Mystery party.---Twice.
thinks that her car is her most prized possession-- along with her beautiful necklace.
is often the voice of reason.
likes Playdoh.
has been a fake prostitute.
was the Drum Major of the highschool band.


... and that's my friend Ashley. :)

Selective Filtering

Wouldn't it be great if we could filter out what we wanted to remember and what we wanted to forget?  How awesome would that be??

Then we could garentee that we would remember things that we needed to. I think that woud come in handy quite often.  I'd never fail a test, always get things done on time, and never have those randomly stupid moments that come far too frequently.   And on the other hand, if we don't like something, we just forget about it, and botta-bing, it never existed. It makes the whole "forgive and forget" concept much easier. 

But then again, you'd have to be careful using your selective filtering.  Alot of things that could be chosen to be forgotten, something positive might actually come from it.  A lesson to be learned, a point to be made... something along those lines. If we purposly and knowingly forget the bad things in life, in the long run we could have missed out on something great. (I'm personally a believer in everything happens for a reason, and that way we would have possibly missed the reason). 

But it's just a thought. 

I actually think that we kind of do already do a bit of filtering without realizing it. We tend to block things out that we aren't exactly a fan of, and remember for ages the things that we loved before.  Just with this concept it would be much more intentional... like we have a say in what we remember and what we don't, and as soon as we take that say, the problems are over. Forget about studying, you will remember the material, forget about worrying over an issue, just choose to block it out and you no longer have a problem.

... I just think it would be an interesting ability. 

Updating

I can't believe that it has been so long since I last posted. I didn't really intend to keep putting it off, but you know, things come up. And when things weren't up, I didn't have anything to talk about that I wanted to put on the Internet. So here we are, it's been three months and there is much to update...
Let's begin.

I've had another hard semester, and I'm having to really figure out what I want to do. It's a complicated decision that is driving me absolutely crazy, but inevitable one at that. I've never been any good at decision making... it's a hassle.
I've had some changes in friendships during the course of the semester. I've met some good ones and even lost some close ones. I always try to remember that people change. It's college, these are the times you're supposed to change (or so I've heard.) I am a little upset that that I lost a few friends, but it's just the way things go. I'm glad I met the people that I have and I'm excited that I am starting to get to know some better.
I've had more drama in the "guy department" in these past two months than I've ever had. It's insanely complicated. I've been getting alot of grief over all my "boyfriends" when really, I haven't had a relationship in over a year. It is nice to have what is commonly referred to as "my boys," but that can just come with more problems. I really have no business being in a relationship right now, but I'd have to admit that it would a refreshing change of pace and nice to have that reassurance that not all guys are dogs... because lately, that's all they've seemed to be.
My good and close friends are absolutely amazing and have really helped me out throughout the course of the past few months. It feels good to be able to rely on some of them if I need to, and it's good to also be there when they need me. We're cool like that.

Well there you have it, just a simple update. Things can go deeper, but I'll keep all that for other posts... Can't waste it all on my returning one!